Monday, May 21, 2018

Shattered Bottle

What has this turned into?
This wasn’t what I was planning or hoping for. 
Far from it.
I just wanted the hurt to stop.
I’m sick to my stomach knowing that it has turned into this. 

Somehow, the bottle of poison ended up in my hands. 
You cautioned me about it. 
It was a bottle I had struggled with once before and failed with it.
I thought I had placed it on a shelf.
Hoping it was so high up it wouldn’t find its way back to me.
But there it was. 

Carefully I held the bottle in my hands, glancing up every once and a while hoping for someone to tell me what to do with it.
But as I did, as I looked up, 
I dropped it. 

Now the glass from the bottle shattered and the pieces,
instead of just hitting me,
hit you too. 

My heart wants to drop to the ground and pick up the pieces around you, 
regardless of the damage it does to me. 
But the damage has been done. 

You must look at me differently. 
It breaks me knowing I may have caused you hurt.
Never is that what I wanted. 

I don’t blame you for having a blank stare when you look at me. 
Thoughts of resentment must cross your mind when you think of me. 

Am I overthinking all of this? 
Is sorry enough?
My words, are they enough? 
You must know me better than this.
I would hope you do.
I’m hoping you know where my heart lies in this mess.

This setting was far more than I could handle.
But now I wish I could battle it for you. 
Me instead of you.
Your friendship means that much to me.  

I can feel myself fading from your mind.
Am I?
How can I change that? 
Is there even a way?
I’m gripping on so tightly. 
Are you there to even notice?
Or is the damage to far done that I’m left with the shattered pieces of the bottle?

I hope not,
You mean a lot to me..